Barbie In The Big House

Sunday, July 02, 2006

In our last action-packed adventure, Barbie found herself charged with disorderly conduct, and sentenced to six months in Malibu State Penitentiary!

"Hi there Mr Prison Guard, I'm Barbie!" Barbie chirped cheerily as she shuffled into the admissions area.

Initiation into prison life began with a full body cavity search.
"Woah there tiger!" Barbie gasped "Shouldn't you at least buy me a drink first?".

"Do you mind explaining what all of this was doing jammed up your ass Miss?" the officer questioned.
"My tennis racquets!" Barbie cheered inspecting the booty removed from her booty "I was wondering where they'd gotten to!".

Barbie was then taken to her cell, whereupon she met her cellmate. "Pleased to meet you!" Barbie trilled happily "I'm Barbie!".
"Your new name is Bitch," her cellmate sneered "As in MY bitch! Now give me your shoes so I can trade them for smack!!".

Meanwhile in an adjacent cell, Pamela Anderson, imprisoned for repeated public indecency, was also finding her first day in the clink a little trying.
"What is it with these shirts, one size fits all?" she sulked.

Giving up, Pamela jumped up on her bunk, underestimating the weight of her heaving bosom.

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Thursday, June 29, 2006

Suddenly a Duress Alarm sounded out in the dining hall, the prisoners were rioting!

With the guards distracted, Barbie used the opportunity to get one alone.

Barbie's clothes accidently fell off, and suddenly the guard was putty in her hands.

In disguise, Barbie escaped and returned home.
Later that day, Barbie’s trailer trash sister Turlene dropped in with her kids.

Turlene was moving overseas to marry a man she had met on the internet, and asked if Barbie would now care for her children. Barbie happily agreed, and decided to take the children on holiday.
“Let’s go to Switzerland!” she cheered.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Upon returning home, Barbie was broke, she needed money to feed the children, and fast! The next day, an ever resourceful Barbie landed herself not one, not two, but three different jobs:
Secretary at an Accountancy Firm...

Madam at a local Brothel.

And runner for an international drug lord.

Work kept her busy, what with staying back late at the office most nights to play with the copy machine...

Having to slap around staff at the brothel who had failed to fulfill their quota each shift...

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Not to mention the time consuming task of bagging up cocaine for international shipment each day...

Working away so tirelessly left little time for play, so Barbie was particularly excited when her Accountancy Firm's end of financial year party finally arrived. Barbie wasted no time at all in letting her hair down and getting into the spirit of things.

Later in the night...
"It's called the booty dance!" Barbie cheered in delight, demonstrating it to the director of the firm.

Soon after, the director summoned the Human Resources manager over for a quick word.
"Helen, please see to it that Barbie's things are cleared out of her desk first thing in the morning."

Half an hour later...

Eventually regaining consiousness, Barbie thanked her co-workers for a lovely night, before heading outside to hail a taxi. Once outside however, she noticed a bar across the street she thought she might like to visit.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Barbie walked in to see a dancer in the middle of a routine, and, when he asked for a volunteer to come up on stage, Barbie gladly obliged!
"Take if off! Take it off!" she squealed in glee.

Later that night..."I could really fall for a gal like you," Chip the stripper cooed.

"Really?" Barbie gushed excitedly "That's wonderful! I have to admit I've been quite lonely since I got out of the clink - I can't wait for you to meet the kids!".
Suddenly Chip leapt out of bed, smashed through the window and ran naked down the driveway!
"Oh well," Barbie sighed sadly "Guess it's back to the ole pleasure wand 3000!".

The next morning...
"I see Barbie didn't take the news of her termination too well." the director noted.

Later that night at the Brothel, Barbie lost the plot even further...
"My god! What is this? Some kind of WHOREHOUSE?" she shrieked in horror "And I thought this was a respectable accountancy firm! I've heard of schmoozing clients over lunch before but THIS is ridiculous!".

That night at home...
"The food hurts my tummy," one of the children sobbed.
"I am NOT in the mood for this!" Barbie screamed "Now eat your damned dinner or you'll get NO dessert!!!!".

The next day at the local psychiatric hospital:"Hey there handsome," Barbie cooed to the orderly "I'll bet your flesh tastes just like chicken!".
"Uh, I might just tighten her restraints a little," he replied nervously to the nurse.


Follow the links below to read some of my other toy stories:
Barbie's Love Dilemma (Episode 1):
Survivor Toyland:
America's Next Top Model:
Happy Birthday He-Man:

Copyright © Cade Buchanan 2006

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